Alright. I was feeling okay about myself this weekend. Lots of sleep, great week last week, feeling comfortable in my own skin, so I decided it was the right time to make a much needed to trip to the store to find some nice casuals. I never buy casual clothes, only going out clothes, and I usually end up either really frumpy at school because the stuff is really old going out clothes, or dressed in kind of expensive clothes that look like I'm trying too hard. Which I am, but I don't want people to know. Either way, I can still button the buttons and zip the zippers, but my old things just aren't fitting me anymore. This would be okay if my stomach were a bit more muscular or my face was a tiny bit thinner, but right now, it just isn't okay, and I walk around all day feeling miserable, which then leads me to just not care about how I look, and then to eat the first thing in front of me. It feels like a cycle. Well, with these extensions I've been getting some attention, strangers have been telling me I'm beautiful, and I miss that, and I need to get a waistline back so I can feel more comfortable (and more sexy). I know the only way to gain confindence, adn therefore the self-discipline to lose weight, is to have clothes that fit. I think. Well, I blew through Old Navy just now and bought things in sizes I didn't know existed (I'm proportionate, so people often don't realize how overweight I am, including myself), and I think I got some great stuff, and stuff that I can look less frumpy in. My sister told me a while ago that she didn't think I had put on as much weight as I thought I had, it was jsut that I walked around in the wrong stuff, and I think she was partially right. I mean, really, I'm only up about two sizes, but that is about 30 pounds and I gotta lose it, but the point is, I can buy a few seperates, add them to the things that still fit in my wardrobe, and not start crying every morning before school, or every time D wants to run out to grab a beer or a casual dinner. I mean, the smallest errands have turned into productions because I have to work so hard to make my clothes look right, and now, with the right sizes and also with some cute new casuals, I can throw something on and feel like my boyfriend is still proud to be seen with me. In this way I'm turning into my mother, obsessed with looking hot for her man (my dad).
3 comments:
Gosh, what an awful feeling to have. My fiance sometimes tells me I look frumpy. I lost about 35 pounds one summer when we were dating, but then quickly gained it back (plus some, of course). I try to fit into my old clothes because I refuse to buy bigger clothes, with the hope that I will lose weight, but I just end up looking awful. And I want to look nice for myself, for my fiance, for everyone... but the extra weight makes me feel so down in the dumps that I stop caring :(
That's exactly what happens to me! But really, this week with the new clothes has been great. Of course, it might be adding to my delusion- I had a reality check with an accidental glance in the mirror in a less flattering position last night while cleaning.
nah - I am sure you looked fab! The lighting was probably just off! ;)
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