Election day
And boy am I confused
Aside from the rain that soaked my shoes, and my boyfriend who didn't want to hand deliver me to school today so I had to walk from where he parked next to his building, and a sister who didn't so much as send a birthday card this weekend, even though I took out a LOAN (!!!) to cover the expenses of her wedding in September, and the general frustration with my weight, I feel overwhelmed by the infertility of the electoral system. I realize that I'm supposed to say that I am rushing to the polls in a desperate attempt to reistate the Democrats into Congress, etc, which could give them vital seats in the investigatory committee researching the infractions of the current administration, the war, and the internal terrorist witch hunt (activists), but I am having a hard time believing democrats would do any of these things in actuality. I have no evidence in my lifetime of a politician doing anything but screwing people over- including the Democrats' hero- Bill Clinton- who single handedly slashed welfare and who's murderous regime is only dwarfed by the current administration. I am soooo frustrated, and wish I had a creative, and mainstream, idea for stirring people, including myself, out of paralyzing apathy. Sure, I could serve food to starving people, or facilitate academic research on social justice- but I already do these things, and some days these activities make me feel good, and like the world isn't run by greedy people, but today, it just isn't settling this nagging feeling inside of me that my father will go bankrupt again in his lifetime and policy will again make this bankrupty morally and financially even more devestating on him than the original circumstances that messed him up. And I will be paying thousands more for my education than the rich because of the interest rates on my loans, loans that I was not allowed to consolodate this summer when the rates went up because I am a current student. And I think the poverty rate will continue to drop at the rate it is growing, and that the devestating poverty rate will grow even more, and that the middle class will continue to get screwed- not by an overburdoned welfare system that only makes up 2% of our federal budget, but by a upper class that refuses to pay fair taxes, hates and blames the poor, steals from the middle class retirement plans, and provides corporate welfare to their buddies, which further corrupts and devestates the system. It makes me want to explode and I'm not sure what to do with this energy except turn it inward and get super depressed. Oh, and question my relationship because D doesn't go with me to meetings and lectures, and doesn't particpate in the only network that gives me any hope- the activist network. I want to change the world, not out of a religious dedication to the poor, but out of the feeling that if the world improves for those who are suffereing the most, perhaps it will change for us all. Oh, and basic, fair, minimum wage- why is that such a battle? Also- why do these issues feel so complicated? It seems so simple to be nice- yet at the lecture today people were so angry, and fighting over whether business and politicians were involved in a conspiracy to screw the poor. Such a boring fight! It isn't that complicated. Humans serve themselves and their families- it is why we have safeguards in an economic situation like our own that rewards individualism and hierarchy- we are safeguarding capitalism with the welfare system- why are capitalists so against it? Why don't they realize that keeping people from falling to complete destitution actually helps the system survive? We are all together in this, and just the health consequences of poverty alone should motivate those with more means to try to bring up the poverty level- I mean, it costs the middle class so much money to solve problems. Money they don't have- because in any other formation outside of the United States, these so called "middle class" would be divided differently, and many of them would qualify as lower class, and they are bearing the brunt of corporate greed and the consequences of poverty! Wow, a rant. I actually feel a little better. Hope that made sense.