So, here it is again. I thought this situation in my life was over. Last year, when I got stressed, I started getting this acid reflux thing. I went to the doctor, I got a therapist, and I started acupuncture, I also took some time off from everything over the summer, and chilled out, and the acid reflux thing stopped. I was so happy and felt really good starting this school year. Now, here we are again, I'm stressed, I have papers to grade, I feel disorganized, things are piling up, and suddenly my chest feels constricted, it feels like I have to think every breath in order to breathe it. My stomach hurts and is grumbling, food feels like I'm swallowing fire, and I am very very emotional. I'm comforting myself by thinking I am pmsing a bit, and possibly overreacted to the fact that I couldn't figure out how to scan a document and turn it into a PDF today, but this is uncomfortable. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so much in control. Like, I've seen people have panic attacks and have been taken off in ambulances to get the attention they need, and they are sent in the right directions in order to get help. I feel too smart for my own good sometimes. Like, I know this is an emotional reaction, and that I am not having a heart attack, and that I am not actually experiencing trouble breathing. I am aware that it will pass, and that I can probably even talk myself out of it if I could gain a little perspective. I am not out of options, and I could still easily drive myself to the hospital if it gets worse. I'm so damn rational and in control, which is why this situation drives me so crazy. I can rationalize away what is happening, but I can't stop it from happening. I wish I could just let go, and freak out. I wish I wasn't the strong one all the time. When I was young I used to just lose it, like a maniac. I want to lose it. Why can't I control it all, or nothing? It is so uncomfortable.
I looked up some sites and found a lot of websites describing stress and telling you to calm down. thanks. That doesn't really help. I realize the problem. I did find one- For stress information, and to learn how to measure indicators, a nice website is: http://www.teachhealth.com/. To quote:
WHAT OVERSTRESS FEELS LIKE...You may also feel quite anxious. All these strange changes in your body. Why can't I sleep? Why do I ache all the time? Am I having a heart attack? What is happening to me? It is not uncommon for persons who are experiencing the strange changes in their body caused by Happy Messenger failure to have periods of panic. It is during these so-called "panic attacks" that you feel as if you can not catch your breath. The heart races in panic, the muscles ache and pain all over the chest. You may even get light-headed. You may have stomach upset and diarrhea. Stress has caused your body to behave in strange and difficult ways. Under these circumstances, anxiety and fear are not at all unexpected.
My photo is from this site as well.
I just want some relief, not more words.
3 comments:
Did you learn any exercises from the therapist that helped you relax?
I hate it when I am stressed and people tell me to "do less" - like that is an option!
I am not sure I have a very good therapist actually. She is very inexpensive, and is great because I can talk to her for a while and not burdon other people, but she really doesn't give me tools, even when I ask. I told her about the article I read, not vice versa- i learn more from my own research.
Is it a school therapist? I had a therapist when I was a sophomore, then again as a junior. The one I had when I was a sophomore only made me feel worse, but the other one really helped me. I was surprised that they were so different! What helped me about the second one was that she really thought about creative ways to help me with my problems - and I always felt comfortable around her too. I think if you feel uncomfortable, you will never really feel better!
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